I get asked a lot lately about having kids. The wedding is a few months' away plus I'm not your average 24 year-old bride hence the 'appropriate' question of child-bearing from well meaning friends and relatives. I don't reckon men get asked much - my man hasn't need to receive, ponder and reply to the said question.
Ask the men if they are ready to have kids.
I can afford my own handbags, thank you very much. I can buy jewellery, have a car go on holidays and get my first apartment with my savings - I was never without a job since I started working in the year1998. I can go out, do things I like, without having to worry about babysitting except for my cat, if I go on a holiday.
I adore children and would love to have a couple. I'd be happy to give up my job (which I love by the way), and take up the challenge to be a stay-home mom/wife - often described as "much worse than going out to work". Because I can imagine seeing the fruits of labour, labour of love. I want to cook for my husband, read to my children, feed and clean them. I want to be friends with them and watch them grow into responsible adults.
But I can't do all that and live in a tiny flat, and not having my nails done occassionally.
With children I would give up my lifestyle, my career, and yes - my freedom. I don't need to live in a big house, have fancy rides and everyday gourmet dinners. But I'd appreciate air-conditioning in that heat without getting into an arguement; once a week time off to myself or with my friends while the husband, grandparents or a nanny take over; at least once-a year family vacation, plus a few more conditions within reasons.
Of course some may say it's unfair - can we reverse the roles? Tough, since having a child starts with pregnancy. And as if you'd choose to, you won't be pregnant, breastfeeding, be away from work for months.
So there, "am I planning to have kids?" - you tell me. Sorry if this is hurting, or putting pressure on your macho minds - but the next time your girlfriend/wife gets asked that question, do your own thinking. Don't pretend fatherhood is just a natural progression - it doesn't validate your manhood if your wife or your kids have to suffer. And if you can't afford to have your wife not work and support her emotionally+financially, don't even bother saying whether you like a boy or a girl.
Afterall, what makes a happy family?
Read also: Raising Singapore Kids